Gasping For Air

As if he were training for the finale, my father-in-law, breathing loudly while asleep in a coma, makes a roaring noise as he gulps in oxygen. At the age of 97 he lived over three billion seconds and inhaled a billion times. Today, Wednesday, November 13, he inhaled and exhaled for the last time; one last gasp and his spirit ascended. The separation of the spirit from the body is what we call death. It will come to all of us.

The last gasp is a microcosm of the totality of life. In this life it is as if we are always gasping for air. The oxygen of which I write is what we perceive to be life-giving: the job, the partner, the kids, the house, the retirement, the good health. But after securing the latest item on our wish list, we again find ourselves gasping for more air. The things after which we pant have their own shelf life. As such they are unsustainable. We long for more than we have had.

God is the One we truly pant after. King David, having lost everything of value and being chased by his errant son Absolom, likens himself as an exasperated stag in an arid place. Like the stag being hunted, he too is left panting; gasping for air with each step he takes.

But David’s panting astonishes me. Having lost it all, he is not gasping for his loss to be returned. Rather his soul is gulping for God.

“A white-tailed deer drinks
    from the creek;
I want to drink God,
    deep drafts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, “Will I ever make it—
    arrive and drink in God’s presence?”
I’m on a diet of tears—
    tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
    people knock at my door,
Pestering,
    “Where is this God of yours?” (Psalm 42:1-3, The Message)

I remember one of my professors in grad school, New Testament scholar Dr. Grant Osborne. Grant would come to class and would talk as if out of breath. He suffered from asthma. Before dying two years ago he was asked what he was looking forward to when he got to heaven. “To take a deep gulp of fresh air” was his answer.

My father-in-law, Ken Yoder is doing that just now. But what he enjoys is not the rush of oxygen. What he revels in is his thirst for God at last being stilled. The culmination of every desire is being satiated by “God-alive.”

What are you – who are you – panting for today?

 

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